they all act like i asked for this.

like i begged to be marked unclean and unlovable. i dont understand why i need to be treated differently. and then i dont understand why no one will come out and talk to me about it. why hide your disgust? why not face me and say what you’re thinking insteadl of saying it with your eyes. i know i disgust you. i disgust myself. but why do we have to pretend like it’s a lie or like it isn’t there. i know. you know. we all are aware of the situation. just treat me differently. treat me with indifference and i feel indifferent. but i am strange. i am not like you and you never want to be like me. i know. i understand. but do not act like it does not exist. be honest with me. talk to me. make me feel like you are not indifferent. i am hurt by the lack of conference. by the lack of understanding. by the lack of association. just because i am different.

i am not the same.