it’s scary how much emotion one thing can pass on to another if you let it. this book has had me crying all afternoon. i’ve yelled at it and called the characters assholes and bastards. it really is an amazing thing to let yourself be completely enveloped into another life and let everything in their world become everything in yours.

im sad that i choose not to read as much as i used to. my new years resolution is to read EVERYTHING i am assigned, not just skim/sparknote/look it up online. im tired of the internet thinking for me. i want my brain back.

i feel like ive been brainwashed into thinking it is more important to be drunk than to be smart. people put so much pressure on partying and being crazy and i just feel like i look back at when my parents we younger and sure they partied, but they also had meaningful social interactions. i want more of those. but to get them, i have to go out and drink and act a fool to attract attention from the assholes at clark. sure, some are cool, but why am i so unworthy of everyones time there? is it because i think i am unworthy and they can sense that? sure im selfconcious. and sure i guess i make it obvious, but is that a reason to cast me aside? i dont know.